This is an unconventional opinion, but I personally believe that talking about sex is suuuuuper important.
Even as important as talking about politics, global warming, gay marriage, mental health, innovation, finance and whatever else we consider to be appropriate conversation topics these days.
Let me be clear here, I don't just mean the birds and the bees talk with your kids (which ideally is an ongoing thing) Or talking with your partner about what you'd both like to explore sexually. Or talking with your therapist about your sexual trauma (although those are all important)
I mean talking about sex while hanging out with your friends. At work drinks. At parties. At festivals. At dinner even (if you want to and people aren't freaking out!)
In ways that are tasteful. In ways that are silly. In ways that are real and human.
(Whaaaat? OMG is she suggesting we talk about sex at the dinner table??!
Not necessarily, but let me explain....
Here are 9 reasons why it’s important to talk about sex:
1. We’re all in this Together
It's still suuuuper taboo in our culture to have open, honest conversations about sex, which means that many people are wandering around feeling screwed up and confused and alone in their sex-related challenges (when in fact there are probably a bajillion people experiencing really similar - if not the exact same - challenges!) This creates a society of people who feel shame in relation to their sexuality.
2. We can Release Cultural Shame
This cultural shame and conditioning hugely impacts our ability to have a healthy attitude towards our bodies, self-pleasure, sex and relationships. Put simply, we are often conditioned to believe that sex is dirty, wrong or bad. We get told off for masturbating as kids, there's all this ingrained genital shame and many people internalise the belief that it's not ok to have sexual feelings.
3. We let go of the Dirty Vibes Around Sex
If we believe that sex is dirty and bad, we're not exactly going to enjoy it very much, and we're definitely not going to be open to exploring the full potential of what's possible with intimacy and sexuality - which means we're missing out on a whole world of sexual amazingness. When sex is just a normal, natural thing that we talk about with people comfortably, suddenly the dirty vibes aren't such a thing anymore.
4. We get More Real, Human Information
When the conversation about sex isn't happening in an open way around us, we are forced to look to the internet for answers. Ahh the internet, a place where anyone can write anything about whatever. Great for freedom of speech, but not always good for getting real, clear, actual information. that isn't contradictory. hearing from people we actually know who aren't trying to sell us stuff or troll us (hopefully!) feels a bit more real and applicable.
5. We Overcome Reliance on Porn for Arousal
So many people depend on porn for arousal. Because that's often what we find on the internet. It's also highly addictive and literally changes your brain and the way you relate to your own sexuality and others sexuality. Don't get me wrong, I believe there is good porn out there, and it can be used in a balanced way, but generally it's not so healthy to view porn sex as a representation of actual sex between loving and consenting adults.
Let's have a brief interlude for me to throw a few porn stats at you here...
- The average age kids are exposed to porn is about 12.
- Porn sites receive more regular traffic than Netflix, Amazon & Twitter combined each month.
- At least 30% of all data transferred across the internet is porn-related.
(And let's not even go into stats on child porn and violence in porn.)
6. We Don’t need to use Porn for Sex Education
The fact that teenagers and young people are getting the majority of their sex ed from porn leads to a skewed perception of what intimacy actually is... causing all kinds of pressure and expectations to conform to ideals of what people look like in porn, what genitals 'should look like'... and often even lead to acts of violence, sexual abuse and lifelong trauma. When we have those conversations at home as part of our normal life, porn ceases to be a source of education that is relied upon.
7. We Get Curious & Explore Our own Sexuality More
The more time we spend on the internet looking up stuff about sex, or watching shitty porn and jerking off / masturbating for a quick release, the less time we spend actually being deeply connected to our bodies and getting to know ourselves as sexual beings. If we don't know our own bodies, don't know what we enjoy sexually and haven't really explored the spectrum of pleasure within ourselves, we're not going to be very present, connected or skilled as lovers.
8. We Stop Condoning Sexual Shame & Guilt
Through not speaking up about this kind of stuff and perpetuating the taboo about sexuality, on some level we are contributing to the collective sexual numbness, disconnection, shame and guilt that is so common in our culture.
9. We Create a Better World Together
The more we speak openly and honestly about sex, body image, trauma, intimacy, shame and so on, the more we are contributing to co-creating a world of natural, healthy and beautiful sexual expression, body love, delicious intimacy, mind-blowing sex and epic orgasmic experiences. And who doesn't want that!? I know I do! Also, wouldn't the world be a different place if we all felt comfortable with our sexuality?
So please... have the conversations with people in your life.
Let sex be just another regular everyday topic.
It's something I talk about pretty regularly with all kinds of people (even uber drivers!), and I can honestly say that it's brought so much humour, connection, juiciness and depth to my life over the years.
Of course it’s important to use your discretion with the timing, people and places where it feels right to discuss sex… but you might be surprised how natural it becomes to discuss something that seems so taboo!